God's Particle Creates Mass....Dispels the Mermaid Theory

So its has been some time since I have last updated this space but today has been a day full of events and one cannot help but jot down a few words. There has been ground breaking news where in one corner of the world, a group of lab coats almost soiled their pants when they discovered a new particle which kinda sorta, maybe, we really hope it does, resemble the characteristics of the much elusive Higgs-Boson particle also known as the God's particle. The legend has it that this discovery would uncover that mystery of the origin of mass and understand how the universe works. Now I have no idea about the later part but one thing I can tell you is that the origin of mass can pretty much be attributed to deep fried delicacies especially if you add sugar to it, the mass created from these foods are substantial and the evidence is pretty noticeable too. 

So as the world of the scientists take the time off and celebrate, I would have said party yet am not sure how those lot do it as my only insight to this group has been the actors on The Big Bang Theory and they sure as hell do not give a wild impression on their partying style. 

So as the lab junkies go crazy there was however another news that came across to the shores of the land down under this morning and it has moved the floor beneath the most of us, it has been such a shocking revelation that the US government agency itself had to come and make this announcement - Mermaids are not real. Yes, you read that right, mermaids, those half fish, hot hotties that swam around the oceans around the world are in fact just a figment of our imagination and we have been tricked by a very cruel joke. Something which started with Santa not being real (that obviously is as fake a story coz where else would all those presents come from?) to zombies not existing, something that had to be officially announced also after someone high on bath salts went around trying to bite off people's faces, who had a shocked look after sighting a mad naked man running around with bubble effervescing presumably from his mouth (there is no recorded fact of that last bit but am sure the bath salts would have that reaction once it started mixing with the liquids within). 

So while we had a ground breaking discovery which most of us have no clue of, in terms of its effect and importance, we have had years of illusion also shattered by a government agency which deemed it was necessary to let its citizen know in case someone actually started to believe it. While I take some time to digest this fact I am just dreading if there may be any more announcements by these government agencies to discredit the existence of Iron Man and Spider Man and if the world would be safe anymore.

Parallel Universe Vs. Present Plight

Its been long overdue and if you happen to be following me on Facebook and Twitter....I would firstly like to say a big Thank You for not only suffering me on those channels but also having the courage to come and read my blabber more on this platform, and secondly point out my latest obsession on Parallel Universe. Now, if you are confused about or want to know what parallel universe is, this is definitely not the place where you will find that information. So the poor people who Google'd  parallel universe and skipped 70 pages of results to land here are going to be slightly disappointed and well for them I suggest a quick course on "Google for Idiots". So the parallel universe.....in short its the universe which exists where everything you screw up here goes smoothly there, where there are no Monday blues and everyday is a weekend. Where the sun shines and things go as they should.....as they were supposed to go - Perfectly! Yes, it is that fantasy world you wish that existed yet know that all its ever going to be is that thought in your head. So, why am I going on about this you ask.....well for one I can and secondly I have to get over this obsession and so this is where I get rid of all things.....watch that step.
Now lets just account on some of the things which we know would and would not happen in the parallel universe. In the parallel universe the weekends would definitely last longer and Mondays would be the fun day not the mourn day. Your wishes would be granted faster than Aladdin could rub the magic lamp to prompt the Genie. The Genie in the parallel universe would still be as cool.....you can't mess with him coz like it or not you'll never ever get a friend like him. There would be no waiting for hours to receive a reply to a simple text and a "Hey! How are you?" would mean and be taken as "Hey! How are you?". Where life wouldn't be so complicated to the point where your mind just wants to shut down and kill you and where happiness is actually something widespread. Where you can eat any amount of chocolate and sweets without a care in the world and dentists would only exists in fairy tales. Where you wouldn't have to sell your soul to make some cash which ultimately goes back to the entity you sold the soul to.
So this is the point where I am brought back to reality with the whole "But Asif...what would be the point of it all if everything was hunky dory...we would not appreciate it if we had everything....blaah blaah blaah blaah blaah". Seriously in the parallel universe people who say that would be kicked up their backside for being too realistic, for its only a realm of thoughts in our heads and if we can't think of all the positive things without bringing in the exceptions then what's the point of having a parallel universe at all.
So to bring a bit of your parallel universe into this one....do keep smiling! :)

How Stupid is Stupid?

Now none of us can ever say we haven't done anything stupid but lets just ask the question for its out there in the open anyways - How much stupidity does it actually take to make something stupid actually very stupid? I mean getting into a dare at the age of six where you ring some random neighbours door bell at midnight and run like a wild dog is chasing you is kinda stupid but fun. Jumping off a height and thinking you can make it to the ground without a scratch is going a bit further but less fun in hindsight. Getting drunk and trying to steal a penguin from a theme park on the other hand is plain old stupid and that is exactly what two British lads from  tried to do and actually succeeded. Now, I have done pretty stupid things and will continue on doing them as time goes on, but the thought of stealing a penguin or any animal would never ever cross my mind. 

Stupidity is a word that made its way into the English language in 1541, yes we have been officially being termed stupid for quite a few centuries now and have done ourselves no favour whatsoever as time has passed. In fact we may have lowered the standards even more with each century passing by and have come to the era where common sense is more of a privilege skill than an inbuilt functionality. I have never met anyone who hasn't ever tried to touch their tongue on the tip of a battery even though we have seen someone else try it and wince. The fact that reality shows now play such a big factor in our lives is all but a statement depicting our lack of intelligence - how can people making themselves look like idiots become celebrity is a thought that keeps me wondering where the human race is headed. The fact that these shows have insane followers who believe everything that happens on the show and would argue with you if you ever criticised it is what makes me believe that if the Aliens ever invaded our planet they would either -

 

a. Kill themselves for making such a long and labour-intensive trip to conquer a planet that is full of batter licking, penguin stealing, scripted reality shows watching people who would probably kill themselves if you gave them a good spiel about how it would help cure them of something made up on the fly.  

b. Go back to their planet and kill the person who came up with the idea of them travelling all the way to planet earth which is inhabited by loonies who would pay to watch people knock themselves out and go circles in a car going at about 300kmph without a reason.

So the next time you see something stupid, hold up, pay attention, laugh at it, laugh at the person who is doing it and walk on for who knows while you are doing it there may be and the chances are pretty high that someone else would be looking at you laughing.

Till next keep doing stupid things and keep smiling! :)

The Insane Institution called Earth

So the world has got crazier as the years have gone by. This thought has been troubling me since a couple of years and no it doesn't come out like this any given time in my head, no there is always a build up which brings me to this line that "Shit! The world has become a crazier place!". So why am I going on about this you may ask and that is a very valid question since you have made it all the way here to go through another 10 minutes of my verbal distress, and that is not just from me misplacing my verbs and using the adverbs incorrectly. No, I have very valid reasons to start scribbling this thought over digitally (I did previously did the old school method of writing it on a notepad and then reading it and then copying the whole thing here but then I have started to feel a bit ashamed of my abusing those trees that went into creating papers....a sign of growing up I guess....and a lot of other hope) as it affects us all and am sure there have been several instances where you have thought of the same thing but haven't said it out aloud just in case people start looking at you as that lunatic who shouts about the world coming to an end and I mean in the non-hollywood style. Naah man things have become insane, parents have gone soft on their kids, kids are manipulating their parents, companies are throwing random shit at us and we are lapping it up with open arms, we are more excited about reality shows and ignore documentaries that show how we are killing ourselves by killing the environment. We have companies throwing insane marketing campaigns at us like just recently I saw a promotion where Kleenex allows you to send 12 tissues to a friend with personalised messages, yeah you can get your shitty message written on tissues and gift it to a friend coz that the thing that any friend would like. Can you imagine how much advantage it gives the douchebags who break up over a text? They can now send a crappy message on a pack of tissues and think its alright, don't believe me....what n watch. Gone are the days when people got excited about buy 1 get 1 free stuff, no sir today its all about buy something get a totally random shit for free which in all probability you won't use and the only reason they are giving it away is because no one bought it in the first place yet we feel happy. We live in an isolated shelter where people are getting bullied online....yes online..go figure! We are living off prescribed medicines and take advice from magazine columns. Something goes slightly wrong in our lives and we let the whole world know yet have a problem making a phone call to a close friend or family to say hello. We have a fight with someone and you know its a big one when one goes on to unfriend/unfollow the other on a social networking site. There are kids aged 12 who are putting their relationship status as complicated on their facebook page....yeah kid you think its complicated at that age you have no clue what you have coming!

So yeah I think the world has gone all looney all of sudden or perhaps it really wasn't that sudden and I was busy with something else and all of sudden I have come to face this insanity and don't get me wrong I thrive on insane shit, the thoughts in my head...were it to be released out all at once, I would surely be taken to the institution but that's besides the point, I still think in comparison my craziness pales when I look at the kids of today and wonder where they are headed with the tantrums, the spoilt attitude and the protected sheltering of their parents. There is still hope though, and that is for me to lead the world. 

Till next time.....keep smiling! :)

The Chiro, the X-Ray and the Wrongly Tied Gown

A couple of weeks ago, in another out of the blue moment, aided with the campaign that my workplace was doing along with this chiropractic company, I decided to register to see a chiropractor. Now lets admit it I am growing a bit old and the fact that I twist and turn a few of my joints now and then had me thinking that why not get a check and see how the other joints along with my spine is doing. So, I turned up at the their office on the day of the appointment where after a few resistant exercise I was told that there "may be" a few knots spread around the base of my neck, lower back and the hip region and needed to get a full spinal x-ray before the actual assessment began. Now, the last time I remember getting an x-ray done was about 10 years back and that was for the hand and fingers none of which was broken and the whole process took all but 10 minutes. Taking this as a cue, I waltzed to the place where the radiologist very spiritedly told me that the full spinal x-ray consists of getting at least 7 shots taken starting from the neck all the way down to the hips and threw me one of the apron/gown thingies to wear, now I have been to the hospital a couple of times but what puzzles me is do these things go from the front back or do they go back to front? They are definitely not robes so they wouldn't be wrapped to the front but how can one wrap it backwards and ensure they are wrapped properly, anyhow I managed to wrap it around and then was asked to stand in front of an instrument with another instrument beaming light at me which in fact was dividing my body into different parts, something which kinda creeped me a bit. The other discerning aspect was being told to stay still, a thing that when instructed always makes me move a lot more than I usually do. Then came the final blow, I was asked to stand sideways for them to take the shot of the spine from the side I am assuming, but it finally dawned on me that, even though I have never ever made it there, this would be how criminals are photographed when they are sentenced (albeit I was missing the board with the number) and I then started to wonder if this chiropractor visit is worth it or is it just leading me on to things that I should stay away from.....like committing crime. For why would I have to experience flashing lights at me in different directions (no I definitely did not feel like a model in a blue gown, most likely tied up the wrong way). Now, before I decide to give up on this chiropractic experience I may end up going for at least one more visit to view these x-rays if not anything, and probably with a serious face and sombre expression ask the chiropractor "So tell me, what is wrong with me?" to which I shall receive the usual spiel of the knots in the muscles surrounding the spine which shall go away with the right exercise.

Why do I do these things? Just for the love of something different to do! :)

Voicemail - The Annoying Voice of Technology

I was watching a movie from the 90s a couple of days back and noticed how the mobile phone in one scene resembled a brick and carrying one in a hand looked heavier than holding a pistol and wondered how far we have come in terms of mobile technology. There was a time when we had to use pay phones...(yeah remember them? you used coins to make phone calls....) to call someone when we were outside but then things changed, there was suddenly a mobile on everyone and we all became connected, the spiders had to suffer another setback after we started calling the internet web we entangled another mesh of networks and used their designs (good thing they can't sue the human race.....as yet) and made another web of communication and as time went on we progressed on this and got the "web" on the mobile phones and were suddenly hit with the smart phones. These phones did everything, helped make calls, text people, listen to music, browse the net, check mails, turned into a clock, an alarm clock, a personal organiser and now even has an assistant. I love all these functionality except, yes there is always an exception to everything, the world came up with the word "but" for a reason and that was whatever we do or happens, there will always be something which is going to piss us off, its in our nature. So keeping in check with the norm (a feat in itself in my case if you know me) I will say that I have a problem with the smart phones and no its not the network, that does not irk me but what does is that silly feature called "Voicemail". Yes, I had never liked the concept of message-banks on the land-line and when it turned into voicemail on the mobile platform it remained my pet peeve. I do not see any productive use of listening to a message which:

a. is usually left with a tone that is either rushed up as if you only have 30 seconds left to live and the information 

    you give out will solve your murder mystery or is mumbled across leading to the next point

b. is soo incomprehensible that you wonder if a 2 year old was talking in the phone

c. has nothing but a person breathing through the phone, kind of like someone trying to stalk you...just that hello 

   your number shows up and if I have you on my contact list so does your name = FAIL

e. there is silence and not like the one of the lambs........

The other thing you realise is that not only are you left disappointed going through retrieving these messages, the service provider actually charges you to access these lame messages adding up to the cost of making those "dropped" calls that the network issues very conveniently address. In a world where every person who has a mobile phone is efficient enough to use the SMS functionality why do we still stick with this utter rubbish function which the majority of public hate. I mean I have never heard someone get excited and go "Wow!! I have got a voicemail!!!", not one and anyone you ask always goes "I HATE IT!! Send me a freakin text instead!!". 

So the next time you hit my recorded message, please don't go on what I am saying there, all I mean is "I really don't care about if you leave a message or not, just send me a text and I will reply, if I already haven't after looking at the missed call." Until next time, keep smiling! :)

Early to Bed Early to Rise........keeps you out of mindless shit!

There is an old saying that nothing good ever happens late at night or wait was it nothing good ever happens after midnight. Well its an old saying and so pinpointing the exact hour of the lateness of the night can be lost in the era but the fact remains that if you want to do anything you should probably do it by 10 pm and after that just don't bother. Now, as everyone I learn a lot of these things by making the mistake of committing the mistake and then learning and then forgetting I had already come across that learning and re-learning it all over again. Yeah when man must have made fire it wouldn't have been burn and learn, it probably was burn and learn and burn more and learn...well pretty much the same thing that it stings worse if not dealt with quickly. So why the sudden preaching of going to bed early from a person who is a self confessed late night owl and over the years gone has for some reason got the symptoms of insomnia. Well it so happens that the weekend gone by I made the mistake of calling up home late at night (2 am to be precise) and during the conversation use a few words (no not bad ones) which were not very distinguished and could have insulted the said parties (and no they were not to my family members) and in the next 24 hours all hell had broken loose. There had been suggestions that I was turning arrogant and that I should grow up and be mature and responsible, something which I have no clue as to why it is thrown at me for I am usually good at being mature and responsible and living on my own for the last 10 years have not really done anything that can be labelled a "crisis" or even a "catastrophe", so it amuses me when I am told that I need to grow up coming from my parents, sisters, friends or the ones that got away (left me due to my childish behaviour apparently). So, why is it that people get too serious, if someone who's awake at 2 am which he/she shouldn't be and talking on the phone which again should be a no-no, and hold the words said at that time in a way that it means a decision has been taken? Anything said after midnight should be not be taken at face value unless or until a disclaimer has been issued saying that the person has taken an oath to say the truth, nothing but the truth and if that the words uttered then can be used in the court of law or any argument or debate going forward, only and only if the disclaimer comes first followed by the statement otherwise all is void. Actually that seems like an idea that should be passed through the parliament and made into a law so then no one can ever get into trouble over something that happened late at night. The amount of stupid on the spur of the moment drunk marriages in Vegas and else where would be solved without being a legal nightmare, why I use that example I have no idea, its not like I am remotely interested in doing anything of the sort (marriage being another reason why I get told to grow up and be mature and responsible....a theory which looking at a number of people can be proved to be a myth). So the next time you are up late and up to no good, look at the time and if it is past midnight remember the shoe thing only happens in fairy tales and in real life you will just have a mess to clean up. Until next time, keep smiling and sleep early! :)