Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Man oh man....

Men....yes us men...yeah you and you and even you...come gather around, let's form a circle, let's have a chat. No no we will keep it short and simple...yeah I just wanted to say -  for the love of Humanity will you please stop molesting women! Okay okay before everyone one of "us" gets offended yeah I realise we all aren't Neanderthals and go out harassing women but geez there's enough of us doing it and we need to shut this shit down! I mean it's 2017 and women all around the world are still feeling unsafe and our best response (by our I mean the ones who don't go harassing and molesting women) is #NotAllMen. Okay seriously what in the world is that even trying to achieve apart from saying "oh well I don't do it so it's not my problem..." well buddy it is our problem....I mean we are the problem.....yes even the ones who are civilised and cultured because we are not actively clamping this uncouth filthy behaviour down as fast as any idiot shouts "hey babe" to a woman minding her own business walking down the street. I read someone tweet that blaming all men for the actions of a few was like reverse sexism. Say what? Now I will say this out once and it should make it clear....reverse sexism is just like reverse racism IT DOES NOT EXIST! It's not a thing...no you may keep repeating it till pigs start flying but even then it will not be a genuine thing. 
Oh and while we are at it, let's get our heads out of the 16th century and not use the "but she was dressed this way or that way...." let's come to an understanding that yeah us guys like to impress women, they on the other hand like to live their lives....really not that hard now is it. 
Men, compadres, amigos, comrades, buddies, weird people heck even bigoted fellas....it's 2017 and while we are hell bent on destroying the planet with all our other hate can we give the women folk a break...like they have had to deal this shit for a few centuries now am sure a bit of a breather for let's say a century may not be that bad....I mean we do have so many other things to be mean about. I might even throw in let the women run the world for a few years to see what they come up with, I mean we have kinda sorta surely screwed it up for all this time what's a few years of relinquishing power going to do....are we not the stronger something. 
All in all...let's stop being an asshole and get our acts together. Let's make the women proud of us for a change. Also anyone who does the whole #NotAllMen need to be told to shut the hell up!

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Thank the Lord 2016 is over (almost)

The year was 2016 and the world was full of shit.....yep it's been that sort of year where switching on the movie made you depressed and anxiety was a just a norm. It was the year Kanye did a Brittany and in hindsight the bald Ms. Spears seemed way more normal. The world however can now say "Oops we did it again...." by supporting decisions based more on hate than common sense. We also finally shaked off the cover of pretending to have any sort of originality and rebooted reboots and tormenting everyone by reminding them that their favourite movie was actually pretty bad if you saw it again today. 
Yes we have never been fortunate to live in a world so bright that....ooh wait that's still the missing ozone later and no no no global warming is a myth coz it's snowing in Sahara you all....warming shmarming..bleh! We finally have people in power almost all around the world who will now put an end to this whole climate change......discussion because screw you science! 
Yes 2016 was a year we will all remember....till we get to December 2017 and then remember 2016 wasn't that bad just like the previous governments around the world unless you live in a dictatorship run country coz then it's just Groundhog Day for you buddy and we are all gaining closer to your feelings as time passes by. 

Until 2017....have a Happy Holiday season and if you do happen to shave off your head remember someone else will outdo you in due time! 🙃

Friday, January 29, 2016

Random Ramblings

So its almost the end of January and the point where we all start our conversations with...."Where did this month go??"...with that expressionless look on our faces ensuring that the other person gets the hint that it is but just a rhetoric question and you do not in any situation want a further discussion on it. Yes, the first month of the year is almost over and by now so should your obsession with your resolutions, if you have still stuck to it full credit to you and remember if you can carry it past March you can rave about it on all the social media platforms but till then please refrain.
If you haven't been following what's happening in the world or some parts of it well you may learn a thing or two in the next five minutes, any longer and you need to enroll in those speed reading courses, any less and you haven't given a damn about what I wrote and are wondering why you even click on the link.
So firstly no I won't be giving out what's wrong with this world and the celebrity deaths, you can read about that on google, I just talk about weird little things and that's where I will stick to with this. Now that, that is over.....over the last few days twitter went into a bit of entertaining frenzy when a rapper named B.o.B had a little bit of a realization and channeled into the 15th century notion (or it could have been before or after...I don't do that good with anything before the last 35 years) that the earth is flat and how we have been hoodwinked into believing that it isn't. This out of this world notion was picked up by none other than the very own Pluto hating astro-celeb Neil DeGrasse Tyson (naah he's pretty cool though) and after a bit of back and forth we ended up with a couple of rap songs and that was that.....the good news is that unlike the middle ages or before (again you can google stuff) this time no one was tortured and killed for holding different views.
While all this happened, Kanye did something strange, had a twitter beef with Wiz Khalifa....actually listed 17 points or more of what needs to happen and when, all normal things considering Kanye is involved. The Oscar nominations were announced and the theme for this year was the same as the policy that Australia had between the 50s to the early 70s in terms of its immigration. Here's to Leonardo winning at least this time.
There was a snow storm in NYC which could not be termed a record breaking storm because it fell short of an inch, talk about snow storm teases. The lamb advertisement for this year's Australia Day was pretty hilarious and pissed off the vegans and vegetarians who really give these ads way more attention than the rest of Australia who watches it laughs and goes and gets a steak or fried chicken. The automobile ads are still shit as ever, if you haven't noticed, these are one of my pet peeves.

And that friends was the month of January. If the rest of the year goes the same way, we might as well call it the ground hog year. Until next time...keep smiling. :)

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Ho Ho H......Hopey New Year

Its that time of the year again, the time when you are still squeamish at the sight of food, the time when that piece of chocolate that once looked tempting now makes you gag, that time when the post festivity tummy just keeps telling you to stop and have a look at yourself....in the mirror preferably.

Its that time of the year when you start telling things to yourself....no I am not talking about the voices in the head...that is very normal and happens all round the year. Now before you start the whole self-realization-y (yes I did use the z instead of the s because this new continent has ruined my English but fret not my Oxford linguists this is but just a slight aberration from the normal) thingy, please note that there is another day left to enjoy before the whole madness of making a list to enhance (I could have used the word "better" but screw you I just used the word aberration and I don't even know what that means but it sounds really fancy) yourself starts and you get lost in the motivational posters plastered all across the social media sites you frequently visit. You would have effectively blown away your first resolution that to limit your time on the social media sites because how else would you let your friends and random strangers know that you have resolutions for this new coming year! Where will you post these amazing motivational memes that you worked so hard to find to state "That the time spent with your close friends far outweigh that spent in front of the monitor".

If you did in fact go and look in the mirror you might want to join the gym, yes this is perhaps the best time to own/run/scam a gym and then you can close it around April by paying out those two annoying sign-ups who persist on coming out to work out inspite of the honeymoon period being over. This will also be a time when the vegetable stocks will be bullish (wait bull is the the good upward one and bear is the snoozey falling one right?) and we will all go on this Paleo/Clean Eating/Juicing/Hunter Gatherer stuff and after a week of eating non fried fast foods will hate themselves and everyone around them because if it was not for people why would I even want to look good? By the way liking more people will still not figure on this list because no one likes people anyways....all they do is complain and shout and yell and wallow. No liking people is not going to be on the list and deservedly so.

Now before you feel all dejected and dastardly.....I swear I did not just buy a dictionary and these words are just coming through my head by itself....don't lose hope, for hope is what makes the world go round...yes hope and money because I am not even remotely going to challenge Liza Minnelli on this. So here's hoping that in the New Year we set out and achieve what we want (terms and conditions apply), that we do start to like people and cut down on the hate; that we do strive to be healthy and fit but do it for ourselves than to show it to others, that we do love the things that are important to us and ensure we get them. That this new year will have (profanity alert) has a lot more of "fuck yeahs!" and a lot less of "fuck this!" and that common sense prevails over the rabid hatred.

I hope you all have had a great holiday season and have a great year coming ahead and keep smiling. :)

P.S: I do know what aberration means but then that could be an aberration in itself.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

The Day of the "Man"

So I just found out that, we have an International Day of the Man. Oh yeah baby, just so we didn't feel like we were being left behind, we went and got ourselves a whole day to celebrate our gender. Finally a day where we can celebrate being what we are.....Men! A day where we tell the world that we have had enough of all these discrimination we face day in and day out just because we have a XY chromosome. Discrimination such as......errrr.....gimme a minute.......how we can't play video games without being harassed or how throwing the garbage is somehow our responsibility or how no one appreciates all that catcalling in the streets. Does anyone even realise how much effort, courage and creativity it takes to scream at random women walking down the street minding their own business.
We finally have a day where we can rejoice spending that little extra cash we earn without having to be reminded that we earn more than that other gender. We can celebrate in the fact that the meninist or mennist or however that is spelt, have been a discriminated section who just wanted to show a girl who macho they were/are by bullying them into being loved.
How we can......ermmm.....Okay I am out of ideas of what else can be celebrated and I belong to the XY chromosome crew. So ladies, if you can just appreciate us for one day that would be great.

By the way I don't know if it is just coincidence or if the women were up to this or because its like we love spending way too much time there but the day that we celebrate being a man also happens to be "World Toilet Day", the latter actually has a bigger purpose though. I "shit" you not!

Friday, November 13, 2015

A cup of controversy.......

So a few days ago, my spidey senses (super power does not actually exist and is overstated here) started to tingle, I knew there was some sort of ridiculous commotion going on but what was it this time? So I log on to twitter, my most trusted source of public rants and on occasions the news, please note that the news it more credible than whatever you would find on Fox news unless of course you are on the Fox news account but if you are you're probably an insane lunatic anyways. Twitter then directed me critical information that the latest controversy was but because of a cup....and not just any cup but it was the cup. NO we are not talking about the chalice so keep those Dan Brown books back on the shelves. No the source of the controversy was Starbucks and not because of their distasteful coffee or the fact that you can never get your name right on the cup....even if you spell it out for them....and your name only consists of four letters. No the culprit here was a red cup....a red cup which had no design on it whatsoever. A cup so plain that some of the public started to forget that Christmas was but on its way. Oh Starbucks how could you do this, for we the people can put up with the inconsistent taste of the black water you throw our way.....we can take our wrong spelled names...to the point where I at times don't know if there was a real Arthur who's order has been coming my way. What was I talking about.....oh yes, how could you give us a cup where there is no hint of celebration, and then use the colour red....the official colour of Satan in all his/her glory. The comments found online were varied from hilarious to downright dumb with a Presidential candidate actually throwing his opinion on the very subject and ending up in the downright dumb pile. There will be no points given for guessing the names. Also I am not going to be stating any of those comments here because reading some of them actually dropped my IQ levels a few notch, I suspect if I went looking for it again I might reach that time space continuum (I totally googled the time space continuum bit and apparently its space-time or whatever) and go back to being a neanderthal.

Anyways so the next time you go over to a Starbucks to order that Peppermint Mocha (I have not been paid by Starbucks to write this but all generous donations are welcomes), when they ask for your name....just say your name is "Christmas". If they for some reason get it right then my friend you have won. Now if you excuse me I need to go rant about how I missed watching the latest episode of the Big Bang Theory because of that wretched red cup.

Monday, November 2, 2015

The Wandering Mind

So I woke up this morning at 5:30 and that was partly due to Daylight Savings kicking in and ruining my already volatile sleeping habit but then at some point during the point where I was trying to go back to sleep and contemplating things, as you do when you wake up at these weird hours, and my mind wandered off to a series of things happening on social media. I have tried to keep my time on Facebook at the minimum these days because if it is not inundated with game requests, there's always someone feeling mighty ticked off about something or the other and while it actually does not bother me much, I have started to notice that there seems to be a lot of polarization going on which I try and ignore because as most mother's almost all across the world have taught their children at one point or the other that if you cannot say a good thing about someone, do not say anything (I am guilty of breaking this rule only when it gets to the right wing idiots, stupid extremist bigots and false nationalists who have done nothing good for their nations...and there I go again but I do believe that exception is valid).
Now I do realise it is the internet and there is no stopping anyone and for most parts it is a free world where people have free speech. The first time that notion hit you was when you first saw the comments section of any website. Yes that is when you knew when given an opportunity some section of the human race will bear their inner most animal out and use the choicest words ever. Heck, I have seen two random strangers fighting on a YouTube video over something inane and it basically was a refresher course in swearing.
Any how the way things stand today or the way it seems it does, is either you stand with one section or automatically get associated with the other, there isn't that little space where you are just in your own corner judging everyone for being so judgmental...you just aren't give that choice.
So what is my point here, well my point is that whatever happens, don't take things for granted even if it means breaking that polite etiquette mum taught us but the most important point is that Daylight Saving still is irrelevant and all its good for is messing up your body clock and making the next 6 months of your evenings a depressing mess and that if you do wake up at 5:30 am, probably do some breathing exercise to go back to sleep rather than think about random things.