Last of the Mayan Years?

So, if the Mayans got this whole end of the world mapped out correctly we exactly have one year left to party it out. If you have no clue what I am talking about, and are reading this, let me firstly congratulate you on coming out of that cave after your long hiatus, and yes the world has indeed changed a lot from what you might have left it. Apart from the carnage mother nature has been dishing out (seems more like a tantrum throwing attention seeking teenager rather than what we have been calling her all along really) and the recession after round one still wants to play peek-a-boo with all of us all while taking most of the European countries in one go and threatening to conquer the whole world which makes me wonder why no one in the White House has not included it in the official Axis of Evil club. There have been a lot of deaths and a lot of anonymous people would have apparently hit it big with the prize money for assisting in fighting the aforementioned Axis of Evil candidates who not surprising went away in a very unglamorous without a whimper of a fight unlike what we had seen in Hollywood flicks with Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger (surprisingly the spell check actually has that surname in-built, at least becoming a governor sort of helped in a way didn't it?) and Sly Stallone. Yeah, would have to say you did not miss much on that front except the Russians would be returning as the bad guys in the movies which might not be all that bad if you think about it. The last but not the least and this would probably make you return to the cave again, I know I have been tempted to take that step, is that some magazine conducted a survey or more aptly lets call it a poll of the 100 Hottest women of all time, yes that did read "100 Hottest Women of All Time" and in a bizarre anti-climax, trust shattering, sad tear inducing way the result was that Jennifer Aniston ( you might know her from her screen name - Rachel) beat everyone, including super models, pop stars, heck even porn stars and even Marilyn Monroe! Yes, humankind has lost its mind and when you can't even get the hottest woman in the world of all time right, what point is there to continue this existence just for the heck of it? The Aliens probably have scouted us out and looked at our thinking and functioning and probably decided its best not to waste the time, energy or resources valuable or otherwise on a set of species who apart from having bad tastes in women, are going broke by the second and would probably start killing themselves if the internet went down for a month (Please note that this a very hypothetical statement and I am not to be held responsible for this...ever...should this situation ever arise).
So cave-man now that you know what's going on, the little information that was going on before we did this recap was that according to the Mayans the world would surely finish on the 21st of December 2012 and hardly anyone would have given it an extra thought for who reads history anyway until someone in Hollywood decided to make a movie on it and since then its all been about 2012. So, you have 12 months to enjoy this new chapter for if the world does go kaboom, you shouldn't be just left with memories of the cave and the bats and their droppings around you.

The Random Voices in the Head

So there are times when I just ramble on about nothings......and I don't mean the sweet nothings, no these are purely and utterly just a concatenation of words which fall in place and for some miracle actually are comprehensible, well to some if not everyone. The fact is there needs to be the random factor in everyone else everything falls into the pattern of predictability and normalcy prevails which although is nice and sweet if you live in a shell but then what's the point of living is the wringer. Now, if we all become a bit honest to ones self and sometimes that is a hard task as we all like to live in this self constructed illusion of a world where we label things right and wrong based on how the people around us would judge us rather than live like the way we wanted without hiding our little harmless quirks (if they are not harmless, then there is something wrong and its time to visit your local shrink.....just a reminder!) which add to our character rather than hamper it. So what if the little voice in your head says you should go ahead and do something out of the ordinary, like for example buy an electric flosser (nifty little device I tell you)  just because you got curious as to how it would work or got on a flight to a new place just because it seemed right at the moment or you could do what that heartbroken 60 year old did and went out to buy a $35,000 cake....yeah you read that right and no I didn't add those zeroes in by mistake......he really did spend that much money on a cake, which might seem totally ridiculous to us all but apparently it helped him get over the "love of his life" (going by his age, might not have been the first one, but then if he was rich and she still left him, that tells a lot but who am I to judge.....except being the guy who jots this down).

Now some of us freak out when the whole "voices in your head" thing pops up (excuse the pun...totally unintentional) and act as if they have never ever experienced it, which is as honest as saying Santa Claus does not actually exist and that Rudolf does not have an acute sinusitis problem. Its like denying the fact that the middle earth was the most boring part of the earth.....errr.......okay that was actually the truth but you get the gist, there does exist that voice in your head which makes you do things and in some cases eases you in the "not guilty" stance too but let us leave that to a totally different topic. 

So the next time you hear some rumblings in your head (make sure its not from the stomach which does have a distinct growl when it needs that thing called....FOOD!), do yourself a favour and at least hear it out as the only help that medicine is going to do for you is make your senses numb (this fact has not been researched extensively and in some people may only cause nausea but that again maybe the dodgy food you had from that takeaway joint.).

Flash Mobs - A Bollywood Initiation?

So I have to admit it, I love flash mobs - the one where a group of people starting dancing at random places all of a random that is....what were you thinking?? There's something about flash mobs that fascinates me.......its all planned but its very abrupt and if there is anything it's worth, it would be the whole good feel factor. I mean imagine a meeting place in your city, there's chaos with people just bustling around with their heads down and a mean stride and all of a sudden there is music and dancing....and the crowd just stops, the moment holds on and there's chaos but not like before and behold, the best of it has not come as yet, no, the best part is when the smile on your face appears from nowhere, at the least expected moment and your legs start moving more by instinct than your will. If you ever look at any of the videos, and there are many posted on YouTube, the one thing you would notice is that everyone seems to be having a good time whether or not they are dancing. There is a vibe so strong you can't help but feel it even while sitting in your living room watching the clip. A friend of mine after watching a clip I recently shared commented that flash mobs must have surely originated in India looking as how in every movie whenever someone starts to sing a crowd appears out of nowhere and all of sudden there's a massive group of people singing and dancing. When I read it, I could only smile as having been raised on Bollywood movies (not that my parent's didn't provide me food, one look at me would make that misconception go away!) I can surely relate to the whole experience and I have to admit sometimes while walking down a street with my music playing on the iPod, I do wonder that if I bust into a song would the people around me suddenly stop and start dancing, would they know all the dance moves I do, which might a be pretty easy ask as I couldn't really dance myself. So the next time, while walking down a street you suddenly see someone rush past you and break into a gig, grab the opportunity....shake a leg, move those hips, throw your arms but most importantly enjoy and relish the experience with a big smile! :)

 P.S: I do NOT plan on suddenly dancing while walking down the street however curious I get about others following, so that is one laugh you are surely going to lose out on, but I will make it up in other ways....I always do.


 

Why this Kolaveri Di?

Why this Kolaveri Di? That is probably the question a lot of Indians are asking and the answer is simple, its just a song with a catchy tune. Still confused? Well most of India, at least the northern part is....or well was when all of sudden that first line I typed was played, firstly everyone who didn't speak Tamil, had no idea what was happening and there was this talk about Kolaveri which was odd as no one knew what it meant unless of course you had any remote knowledge of Tamil. The other bit was that it started with, "Why this Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Di?" to which the most obvious response was, "Shouldn't it be what not why?" and as humans our curiosity always gets the better of us and hence we went to our best friend (Google) and asked the question that kept bothering us. Alas, the answer is a 4:08 min video of a song, it was initially leaked and went so viral the producer released a lengthier version with a video,on YouTube. Now, the first time I heard the song, it didn't really click with me as such, that is for the first 45 seconds and then I started bopping my head, the slow bop of the head - a sign of affirmation that the music connects with you. The only thing is that it has words which made you do a double take, there was mention of soup song and flop song, now flop song I could understand - the dude obviously is playing himself down right at the start to keep the expectations low (or well that was my understanding of it) but I could not for the love of those guitar strums figure out what a soup song was or for that matter soup boys? I mean was this a new trend that Maggi and Knorr were using to promote their products? If so why would they have the word flop follow suit? No there had to be a another reason, a totally different meaning and voilà there it was, the soup song referred to "Love Failure Song" (sic) and soup boys were the boys who failed in love as per that most authentic source on the web - Wikipedia. So while I got back to the song, this small exercise confirmed my conclusions that soups weren't as cool as they are touted to be, I found that all of a sudden this had become my next "Apdi Pode" (another Tamil song which had a massive crossover to the northern side) and somehow it kept repeating itself on the playlist. A few days later, what do you know, its trending on Twitter and getting more posts and attention than Sunny Leone (totally stole her thunder) and everyone who's anyone in India started talking about that song that Dhanush wrote and sang. The song has well and truly gone viral and if you have not yet heard it, then you probably don't have any connection to the land of India. I have approximately 20 people sharing this song in the last 24 hours and the count is just going up. The Kolaveri (which means killer rage) is just starting to ramp up and don't expect it to die soon. Like it or Loathe it, the line you will utter is "Why this Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Di?"!

Social Networking - The future or a fiction?

It's all about social networking advised someone an article I read while trying to pass some time waiting to catch up with some friends (in actual real life) and I wondered what the fuss was about, I mean I have a Facebook account and thought that's what it is all about. I then forgot about it till I was listening to a music pod-cast and the presenters went on talking about how being on different social networking sites is where the future is going. Being the experiment dabbling individual I am, I went ahead and logged back into Google+ (which I had opened when they were beta testing and thought it to be very boring) and was not surprised it was just where I had left it....bare and empty, apparently like me most of my friends had not found anything appealing on it and gone back to where everyone hanged around - Facebook. The thought of the whole future being on the social media however kept me thinking and I wondered how we had drifted from actually meeting up with friends we have in real life to stalking the whole world sitting in our living rooms. Don't get me wrong I am all for Facebook (and anyone who even remotely knows me can vouch for that) inspite of all the privacy issues and what not but as a self-confessed anti-social (I really am one....seriously!) I still like meeting up with people in real life and see their faces while talking to them, shaking hands and the occasional friendly hugs to see if I am still human or if Skynet has taken over us all and we have tricked ourselves into think we are human all while there are steel chords and microchips instilled all over the insides of our bodies. Any how so on a quiet boring day off from work, I did something I had been holding off for years, I joined twitter and it was just to find out what all the fuss was, I mean it had been there for sometime now but the whole tweet thing kept chirping away and I had finally succumbed to it. It has been a couple of weeks since I have signed up and I can see what the whole thing about social media being the future is about, its about bringing in everyone and by everyone I mean everyone - the celebrities, the politicians, the activists, the philosophers all come together and share with you a part of them thus giving you a glimpse of them and probably changing (manipulating) your view of them. The one thing I found out was, that it stands as a medium for you to shout out your thoughts without anyone caring or reading it and hence it becomes an outlet similar to you screaming out loudly in the bare silent sky, all while listening to your local legislator or one of the stars you follow have a public meltdown along with you. So the next time you hear the line, "The future lies in Social Networking", let me assure you there is a pinch of truth in it, it just depends on what you would define "social" and who you would want to interact with.

Wonder Where The Wondering Went....

So the question is...have we stopped to wonder about things. Now for your sake or the sake of humanity I hope you are wondering what I am embarking on. Well, the thing is have we slowly stopped to use the whole concept of wondering and started using the same practise that we do when now in a debate - Use Google instead of talking and thinking about things. I mean when was the last time you wondered, "Geez what would it be like if sharks for some reason started walking the earth and smashing doors in, what kind of a sound would that make?", or lets go a bit simple for your benefit, something like, "Why am I calculating how much money Tim has in a Maths class when my pocket money is cheap as peanuts.....wait...yeah no I can afford peanuts".
There was a time when we questioned the intentions of the poor chicken scrutinising all of its moves even when the little creature had no option but to cross the road in spite of being aware of all the risks of turning into road-kill. Did we ever stop to wonder why the chicken and not the ducks or even cats or dogs, no it was always the chicken who even when made it safely to the other side ended up on a plate for dinner, totally nullifying all its effort of making the stride across.
I wonder if anyone wonders, why there is no mention of food in my entries even though I have call is Life's a pie. Well if you have ever wondered that then you should probably speak out and work on writing words in the comments section.
So before you start wondering what you are doing here reading this, I am going to end it and let you wonder what in the world this was. :)

Question Quest on Queasy Questions

There are times when you realise that things you say might not sound the same as it sounds in your head, actually let me correct that, there are only times when you realise that things that sound brilliant in your head come out as expected. The thing though is we don't really think of things we speak either, like when you see a person at the cinemas or a mall or even at a restaurant and go "Hey!! What are you doing here?"! Now, lets break that question down and this is what it comes down to -
a. You can't afford to be here!
b. If you are here, I wonder if I should be......
b. Damn it...its like I can't avoid you anywhere
c. Kind of follows b, but is more like crap now I have to talk, ask a question, any question....and after the question you go "Duuh!! Had to ask that one of all the ones there were!!
This can be expanded further but you know where this is going. The other one which I have come across, and let's be honest they were trying to be nice, was while visiting the doctor I was asked, how I was doing. Really!! You ask a person who's feeling sick and had to wait 45 minutes in a waiting room, which co-incidentally only stocks women's magazine....don't know why but that one defies all logic as to do the doctors think only women fall sick or they just don't care about the men waiting there, anyways back to the point, you are waiting for 45 odd minutes and get asked how are you doing, the only thing you can do is look around you and go you kidding me? Do you think I like spending time in a room full of people breathing out germs and handing out diseases just to exchange pleasantries with a doctor!
Then there are questions that are just asked to confuse you, like the one and this remains the weirdest question I was asked, ever. I had an interview with an immigration officer who basically had to approve my citizenship application and had asked me the normal questions which were expected, and then just before ending the interview he thrown down a googly, and the question went as such, "Are you aware of any criminal charges brought against you in any country that you are not aware of?", I had to take a minute just to process the question in my head and when I had, my first reaction was to laugh which I suppressed as common courtesy suggested that it was inappropriate and a better sense of judgement (rare occasional moment) prevailed and I as any other person said when put in a spot says - NO! Turns out that was the answer, that person was looking for and after a minute said thanks and started to walk away before realising he worked there and I had to leave.
Anyways, the point of all this, if you really do read what I write and think it makes sense, is that when you ask someone a question, give yourself a 10 second buffer to think over it and if you have the slightest of hesitation over it, do everyone a favour - Don't ask the question!

P.S: This applies while answering a question too, although, allow yourself a bit more time to think especially if answering to a girl about a girl otherwise you dig yourself in a big hole! :)

Alienating the Aliens

So the debate continues, do you believe in Aliens/Extraterrestrial/Martians who quite simply can't get enough of hovering around our skies in their mundanely disc shaped ships we fondly call UFOs. The thing is we are so convinced that anything funny found in the sky is being flown/driven/controlled by Aliens that calling them UFOs makes the whole "Unidentified Flying Objects" totally obsolete if not stupid....yes I used the words Aliens, UFO and stupid in one line, god forbid I ever make it to Comic con and get caught among the alien loving nerds, that would be the end of me if they get the lightsaber working that is.
The thing is though, that however much we may try to prove or disapprove the theory of the whole life in outer space, and them wanting to come here and probe us in places...lets leave it to the probe us shall we, the whole Alien invasion remains one of the Piece De Resistance when we bring on-screen in cinema. There is the whole good vs Evil Alien thing happening there too but our fascination with the green creatures still stays strong either ways. We had the friendly ET who just wanted to go home and more recently had Paul (yes we gave the Alien a name too) trying to do the same thing except this time make it more of a comedy than drama. On the flip-side we had bad-ass human killing Aliens, with the whole Aliens series and Species and then some. We all remember Will Smith blowing up the mother-ship in "Judgement Day" and then having a cigar to celebrate the victory. We even got outer space robots fighting it out on our planet and turning into cars, trucks, tanks, fighter jets and even mobile phones in Transformer all because their ship had crashed on Planet Earth.
All this would not have been an issue but for the humans trying to mix the world of fantasy with the reality, and I am not joking when I mention that there are kids out there today who actually believe that vampire and werewolves are real, so much for the folks having a hard time explaining who Santa is. We have watched so much of these alien flicks that we actually believe that eventually we are going to be invaded by green monsters in flashy space-ships with gadgets that are out of this world (literally :P). So the next time you see something abnormal in the sky, don't worry, unless it starts beaming light near you, you're okay and if its round and white and shines, its probably the moon!

Ra.One - The raving review that wasn't

Ok, so this one would hold no interest for those who do not watch Bollywood flicks. I say that with so much conviction, like anyone was interested in reading what I have written before but then if a lot of movies being made, irrespective of the their geographical origin, have viewers, my writing would be a relief sent from heaven for such.
Anyhow, coming back to why I am writing this entry, I happened to watch the extravagantly expensive production made by none other than the one called SRK (if you are confused on who that is....well you definitely don't have any idea of Bollywood)called Ra.One. Now, Ra.One could just have been called Raavan (remember that dude with the 10 heads and a mean streak who while being a King resorted to kidnapping other people's wives himself, serious lack of Human Resources planning in that kingdom) except a movie by that name came out not long ago and which starred Abhishek Bachchan, and now need I say about how it fared?
Ra.One it seems was Shahrukh's dream project and he really wanted to make it for his kids as he claimed, yet the first two minutes in, the dialogues were so double meaning that a majority of parents would have cringed in their seats not knowing if they should cover their kid's ears or eyes or just make their way to the exit, the last not being such a feasible option as there would have been a mad rush to exit at that point of time anyways.
Now we could do the whole what went wrong with the flick, that was to re-define the way Bollywood made movies and that super-heroes were not just confined to the self-confessed saviours of the world - the Americans, and could be better off going on to the what went right with it. So here is my list of what I thought was the positives from Ra.One
Getting Akon to sing Chammak Challo, now none of us and I mean none of us saw this
coming and did Akon (and the rest of the Ra.One team) pull it off. The song in
hindsight would be nothing as good as it is.

The whole video game concept, yes it was different although how it was handled here
is a totally different conversation.

The whole pixelated distortion of the faces when punched and otherwise looked
pretty good, to me at least.

Chitti (Rajnikanth)

Did I mention the song Chammak Challo?

That was about all I could find in a movie that ran for 2 hours and 45 minutes, a movie that was publicised in any and all avenues possible and SRK went on a marketing madness to pull the crowd to the cinemas yet he forgot the very basic thing that would have made this a truly re-defining way to make cinema in India - a proper STORY. The team of Ra.One went with the whole Good vs. Evil way in the same as the rest, heck Raavan had a much tighter storyline than this. The movie borrows a lot and when I say a lot I mean a lot of plots from the various super-hero flicks which could be another reason it leaves the audience leaving confused and wanting to see some rational although most of us went looking for none. The dialogues are so clichéd it makes you cringe in your seat and wonder if just some of that money spent on production could have be better utilised in getting a someone who could pen some proper lines. The whole Kareena making up words for abuse was good in the Golmaal series as it was different and new, whereas it was just used and abused in Ra.One. Some of the scenes were stretched longer than the value for money chewing gums and became rather annoying than awe-inspiring.
Overall, Ra.One is the present age Roop Ki Rani Chooron Ka Raja (don't remember that one? Had Anil Kapoor and Sridevi and was one of the most expensive movies made by Boney Kapoor, and had left him out of the business for a long time too) and although it may make its money and not see the same fate as the later the only difference that lies between the two is the larger than life appeal SRK has over his fans.
This one is only for the SRK fans and am sure they would be loving the flick, the rest of us have endured the pain and moved on for now.

A Touch of Life

There was a time when things were simple, life was about living, television was for entertainment and a phone for talking to people. Now however, its all changed, the phone is used as a phone, organiser, radio/MP3 player, alarm clock, web browser and what not; television is to fill in the void when we actually get time to pull ourselves away from that very phone and life a stress filled, heart attack ticking bomb waiting to blow any second that is if some other disease doesn't kill you first.
The human life has been entangled in a web so complex that the more we try to wrangle free of it the more complicated it gets. We have started relying so much on technology and gadgets that we have forgotten how that in-built super machine - the brain works. We can't have a proper debate or discussion without one of us opening up Google to actually verify the answer, sometimes even before anyone has had a chance to speak up. Back in school, we were discouraged to use the calculator while learning maths so we could rely on our ability to think and solve the problem instead of plugging numbers on the calculator and getting the answer, now kids don't even have to bother with a calculator as everything is present "on the internet". The whole concept of imagination seems to be the thing of the past with people now asking to see the animate of concepts before it can be conceived. We now have gadgets where we can just order it to do our work and while it may seem that this would make our lives better we find better ways to complicate it and add more stress. We try to look for answers on life but then there is only so much Google can provide and the answer to one's life somehow just doesn't appear on its radar, it could however find someone else's life for you to read.
Life is short or so they say, however in order to avoid the disappointment, slow down to smell the roses, enjoy the sunshine, feel the wind, dance in the rain - live a bit of your life before the curtain comes down.

Who ate my Planet

It should not come as a shock to many of us, unless you have been a hermit, that mother nature is not really impressed with us lately. The quakes, floods, droughts and just plain wild weather is surely a clear indication that everything is not right. The whole Global Warming debate has become a thing of yesterday yet the effects of the warming are still reeling out in front of us. Sustainability is what is has come to today, we need to ensure we at least maintain what we have today so that we can have a tomorrow.
Sustainability has become the for the present what the Hippie movement was for the 60s....considering they did the whole tree hugging it does seem apt. Any how, after years of pumping out matters from the core of the earth, creating holes in the ozone, manufacturing creative chemicals and spreading that in the atmosphere, we have finally realised that we may have hollowed out the very land we stand on, exposed all sorts of radiations which was filtered by the nature and created toxins which we inhale everyday to ensure we evolve the diseases which in turn requires us to create more chemicals to counter the effects.
Its probably past the point of time to bring back any semblance back to normalcy yet as we go ahead we need to decide whether its time to give a bit of love back to mother earth and detox the nature along with our lives which we fill with baseless, useless toxic junks to fill in the hole we have created by our consumeristic (yes, I did create that word and there is no meaning for it in the dictionary but you get the point)way of life.

Tale of the Fractured Minds

So it has been some time, I admit I haven't been in the mindset to write about much as I was in the reading space. I have to add that this hiatus was in a way intended as I could not gather my thoughts in a collective manner. Now don't get me wrong, when I say that I do not mean I am going to stop being random. That is probably only going to happen when the world freezes over. I have always wanted to slip that line in and again the randomness of the situation helps me in accomplishing it.
Well so what's happened in all this time you may ask, probably not but well as this is my forum of speech and if you are reading all this till now, chances are you have nothing better to do and you might get an insight of my brilliant life and.....yeah ookkkk that is not happening either. The funny thing is in the past few months a few friends of mine came to know about my blog and the their first comment was "I really want to read it to see what really goes on in your head!". This always makes me laugh because I think, yes I do that sometimes and its a pretty exhaustive exercise, I am pretty easy to read and understand, I am probably the iPhone version of the humans (I would have likened myself to Windows but I really don't crash that often and hence that would have been a lie) and come with no extra fuss* (*terms and conditions apply. Item once sold cannot be subjected to refund and dumping criteria applies. Please refer agreement terms before purchase). So the whole notion of people gauging my state of mind from the words typed on a web log where the world is my canvas and I am the Da Vinci is pretty much futile.
So now that we have wasted at least 5-10 minutes of the precious time we can conclude this session with the following lessons learnt:

- You have more time than actual purpose to be wasting your time reading gibberish.

- You are more bored than I was while I nicely typed away all the random words that
came to my head and in a miracle no less than turning water into wine, those words
actually made sentences. (I did keep the example of the miracle in check and didn't
use the parting of the Nile when I borrowed I went into religious histories and the
miracles bestowed)

- You really need some help, probably professional even, to get to this line and not
wondering about the state of your mind.

- You are probably wondering why I haven't used numbers to list these and if there is
a catch.......well not really I am not really measuring your insanity, merely
stating it as a fact so I don't require numbers. :)

Till next time my insane subject....Peace Out!

IQ to IE...Where do you stand?

So dumb people use Internet Explorer, how can that be a shocking eye opener is what I am wondering. Let's be honest here, it comes as part of the windows operating system and doesn't involve downloading and installing it.
What I am perplexed about and to me, anyways, seems a no-brainer is what prompted someone to go and do a research on this. Did someone, at a Geek party, getting bored of what the others were discussing, suddenly think "This party is soooo boring, I need to bring in some zest, some fun.....how should I do this? Oh Yeah I know....lets start with Microsoft products, they are always fun to make fun of." and hence started the great debate of which web browser is the best leading to the demographics of the user?
Or did some noob watching TV get bored of watching Harbhajan Singh and Saif Ali Khan constantly annoying him/her asking the question "Have I made it large?" get curious as to what web browser these people used and if their IQ had actually made it large?
Whatever it was, someone (more likely to be more than one) somewhere had to be really really bored to go through with it and not only did they (I use "they" as this could not have been a one mind scam err...I mean scheme) break it down to different web browsers, they actually went ahead comparing the IQ levels of users using different versions of IE and how the gradual updates in the version led to the increase in the IQ levels. So there we go, while you might not be a total fool while using IE9, you still have some way to come up the IQ ratings by using more sophisticated browsers like Firefox, Chrome, Opera and Camino.
So the next time you see someone using Internet Explorer, try not to snigger and judge, just remember the wise word uttered a long time ago by Confucius - "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change".

Where Did My Money Go??

The great American Debt crisis, can't come as a shock to many of us for what more could we expect from the nation that gave us our greatest vice - Consumerism. Ah yes, buy stuff that we really didn't need with the money that we really didn't have. It basically took greed and covered it in a nice sugary flavour (or deep fried it in batter for those who don't like sweets) and presented it to us, with the notion that if we didn't spend money the world would come to an end or something to that effect. We got so used to it that we spent money on novelty items such as "Colour Changing LED Rose" or a "Designer Gnome" or a clock that doesn't resemble anything like a clock. We received catalogues for this in the mail, emails, newspapers, online ads. Yes, our emails were cluttered spam mails selling us everything from the novelty items to prescription drugs to pills that could work wonders yet could not be advertised on national television and then there were those emails from the African Royalty. Ah yes, now the African Princes did not want any money from you, in fact they wanted to share their enormous fortune that the silly Government of theirs was trying to steal from them. All they wanted was my bank account, and though it has been over 8-9 years and apart from the bank losing a chunk of my money I am sure the cheque is going to be in the mail any time now.
No, consumerism has not been put to death, its merely taking a bit of a nap right now and probably using the latest dreaming gadget churned out just before the recession hit. So as goes the line made more famous in the Will Smith starer "Independence Day" - It ain't over till the fat lady sings!

Captain Invincible and the Invisible Vaseline

Cricket is a gentleman's game or so we have been hearing ever since we started watching the game, which of course is pretty much since we were born. Now, I got into cricket pretty late when I was about 13 or maybe 14 since I grew up in a country obsessed with football (soccer to the folks who don't play it). However, with my country of origin it was just a matter of when not if, till I started to follow it religiously and ever since then the thing that comes up is the comment on how gentlemanly the game is. In the last decade give a few more years, the whole playing in the spirit of the game has made a lot of noise with a few teams trying push each other in a corner and win playing on the mind game than by actually playing the actual game. There has been a greater scrutiny of the umpiring and as the game has gone on to be more corporate than just be a sport the stress levels amongst the players and the officials have hit the roof.
Little would Douglas Jardine have known at the time that bowling the bodyline would have the spirit of the game linger on for the rest of the playing history as now everything that can't be controlled by the umpires goes back to the players and how much friendly spirit they show whilst playing.
Having said all that, do players really abide by the whole statement of the game being one of the gentlemen or the whole playing in the spirit of the game? Just a look at the present Test match going on between India and England has given us an indication of the extremities of the way things are played. Michael Vaughan, ex-captain of the English team recently tweeted that VVS Laxman might have applied vaseline to the bat to avoid being detected by the hotspot on the nick that may have been. The fact that the bowler at that time checked the bat (again I suspect the gentlemanly conduct there) and confirmed there was no substance - vaseline, water or otherwise on the bat. The tweet brought a bit of condemnation from the Indian camp with the former captains wondering loudly if Vaughan really knew what he was talking about, only for Vaughan to retort with "where has the humour gone?" response. Now Mr. Vaughan, I might not have played any professional cricket but to accuse a person of cheating is no joke, in any sport or profession for that matter, unless you have some concrete evidence and what you have based it on was as slippery as that alleged vaseline which surprise surprise according to an English camper was mysteriously missing.
Next came an incident where Ian Bell in a world of his own started running amok the field to get to tea before the umpires had called for it and was run out, and from the rule books, it seems was really out. All of a sudden there was a huge discussion about how the dismissal would be in the spirit of the game and if the Indian fielders should have appealed. As, tea got over and the fielders came on the field, we suddenly saw Ian Bell walk out with his bat and it was obvious the appeal was reversed and the Indian camp thought better than to react a la Vaughan and probably allow the game not to be thrown into another controversy. The question that shall probably linger on, is that would England in a similar situation have done the same thing, and even Bell could not give a proper answer to that. Dhoni might have given away the top spot in the Test rankings but he certainly has left cricket a question to ponder whenever, if ever, a situation like this arises again. I would not be surprised to see at least one comment which would go like this "I wonder what Dhoni would have done in this situation". So, after the vaseline-gate there still is hope that Cricket might still have a few gentlemen left in the game and that the spirit of the game might still be going strong.

P.S: A few lines I wrote to share with my friends on facebook about the whole cricket saga from the last two days summed up.

Nasser Hussain : I can't believe the BCCI would have objections to the use of UDRS with Hawk Eye. That is just beyond reproach
Ravi Shastri : I think you are going beyond the boundaries of commenting Nasser.
Ian Bell : I don't care about the UDRS and the umpires any more, I want Dhoni to take decisions on every thing cricket going forward.
Strauss and Flower : Amen!

Food Disorder, Fast unto Death and Fools

There was a news article, some days ago, which highlighted how the phenomenon of food disorders like anorexia and bulimia had slowly made way into the world of the mighty male. Food is now making guys squirm rather than tuck right into it and the whole concept of a six pack abs instead of the six course meal is enough to make me queasy. I mean when was the last time, you would have heard someone saying no to.....well to food, any kind! Yes, there were diets for men, where it was advised to stay away from fried and sugary foods, an advise which on the first sight of a bowl of chips or donuts was put to rest till the next time a nagging girlfriend/wife/doctor got on your nerves and the a two day fast had to be acted upon to quell the protests.
Now, word out is, at least on the Indian shores, that after listening to all this nuances or well non-sense some of the people have decided to....following in the steps of that great corruption crusader Baba Ramdev....keep a fast till death till this illness has been stamped out of India. The only thing that has not been confirmed, is if this is even prevalent in India but then of course fasting till death has become a fashion statement in India and that this could be a cause for the the whole panic situation to arise. All this could just be a whole misunderstanding caused from all the fasting done by the Indian men to protest a whole lot of concern, last heard one of my friend had gone on one till his manager gave him a 30% raise after his annual review and that the review be held in a posh restaurant instead of the gloomy meeting room....and after three days and a loss of 5 kilos and total indifferent attitude from management lead him to realise the lost cause and the lost meals and accept whatever was offered and this behaviour not to be taken in account.
Yes, fasting till death or well not even close to near death, is the biggest phenomenon making waves since the LED TVs and it should have everyone excited for about the similar duration of time, a couple of more month, give or take a month.
So the next time someone tells you anything about men giving up food, don't take it seriously, its just some excited person gone on a fast and for all you know will lose a paunch or a kilo at least.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, What is the Purpose of this All?

Time and again, every now and then, there is that question which troubles most of us....no I am not referring to the which came first the chicken or the egg, hell I wouldn't give two thoughts about it as long as it is deliciously cooked. No, it isn't why did the chicken cross the road either.....I am seriously starting to feel for the chickens now, not only do they have to turn into food, their every move is under the scanner, the poor critters. The question is "What the hell am I doing with my life", now it doesn't have to be in those same words, some people who try to be sophisticated describe it with "What is the purpose of life", as if putting in those words makes it easier to get the answer to the penultimate question of "Who wants to be a Millionaire" except the winner doesn't get the million dollars but at least knows the "purpose" of their existence.
We all try and cover up this hole in different ways, some mask it with being philosophical about it, some turn to God, some to spirituality, some to drugs, some to things which further confuses the jebesus out of their lives like Scientology, others usually make up for it in the good ol' American way of living.....Consumerism. Oh yeah, God Bless America and consumerism for if we have all the material things in life why else would we be complaining about a question that can't even make you win a million dollars in a reality show where that kid off the slum got nicked by the police for answering all the questions correctly. Oh wait...that was a movie and not real by any accounts, my apologies. Still, buying stuff we don't need and would not use after two days really does solve our problems because for those two days we get so busy trying to work it out we don't have time to think and then comes the part where the credit card bills start to come in and you realise that the thing you just bought requires you to work hard for the next couple of months to pay off keeping you away from the product and in turn from thinking about that dreaded question. When the product is paid off, out comes a new one which you just can't resist but to buy and we are off in the, dare I say, vicious circle.
All this writing really brings me to the question, "why the hell am I writing this?" and if you have read it thus far, this would be the perfect time to start thinking about what in the world were you thinking of continuing to read past the four lines.
In any case, if you do find out the answer to "THE" question, please pass it along, remember you are not going to win a million dollars for it and if you do, it probably is leprechauns gold.

The Apocalyptic Saga

Last night I slept with a great anticipation that this morning the breakfast would be in heaven for that is what the news made me believe in the last few weeks. The end of the world is here and it shall strike on 21 May 2011 claimed a group of Christian fundamentalists thereby generating a mixture of anxiety, fear, sadness, relief, joy among the various human entities depending on the conditions of their living and the quality of their lives. As much as I would like to elaborate on that point I would rather not as all it does is make people sad, angry, anxious, relieved and happy depending on the conditions of their lives and the quality of their living.
So, when I got up this morning (surprise surprise) I was kind of disappointed to see that it was the normal (if I am allowed to use that word) kind of morning and nothing had changed although it did seem a bit sunny which is getting unusual for a Melbourne morning but apart from that zilch...no change! So the optimist that I am I thought I might as well sleep off a little more who knows maybe the second coming of Jesus might just be running on the Indian Standard Time and if there is anything we know about turning up on time is that it is utterly irrelevant. A few hours later, I wake up again to find that nothing has changed, except the sun has disappeared bringing normalcy to the only oddity of the whole situation. So now I am awake wondering if I should have something to eat or not as I really want to try out the menu in Casa Dela Heaven but am also apprehensive if its all going to be just honey and milk as mentioned in the scriptures and being not too an avid fan of the either if I should probably have a snack.
While I decide that, I have to admit that I am utterly disappointed at these hope inspiring yet never actually happening prophecies and that too by different groups. First it was a group of (fundamentalist? or probably just mental) scientists who claimed a reactor would burst wiping out the total population of the world with so much fanfare that my neighbour actually contemplated resigning from his job oblivious to the fact that he was fired for over 6 months (no I don't live next to that guy from the movie Office Space!). That reactor did not burst and the only causality that really occurred was the realisation of the said neighbour finding out he didn't really have a job and his mortgage payment was delayed by a few months.....six to be precise.
So, as we wait for this prophecy to be rubbished I think I am going to go out and have a bit of a party as I somehow still have a life (surprise surprise) even though the world might be coming to an end.

The Tales of the Poor

A few years ago an Indian politician and the leader of the second largest political party got into trouble when he uttered the one true and possibly the only logical thing, at least in his political life. That line loosely translated in English is something like, "Money might not be God but by God it isn't less than that either". Well come to think of it, that actually is the literal translation of what he said and I am seriously contemplating a career in translation after this feat.
So you may be wondering where I am going on with this and how does it matter when this was said in what is light years ago in India. Well my dear readers and non-readers, mostly non-readers, the point is that when some blessed people who go around claiming that money doesn't buy happiness they actually mean that "Holy shit I am so broke I need to guilt trip someone so they can give me some money". That my dear friends and non-friends, mostly non-friends (I might have made up that word....may have), is the fact and today that has been validated by none other than the honourable minister of finance or in simple words the Treasurer (of Australia), Mr Wayne Swan who has told us poor, and I mean it in a literal way, souls that you should not be fooling yourself into thinking you are rich even if you are earning $150,000 a year while presenting the budget for the year. I am still trying to figure out what that means for me personally as I am not really close to that mark as yet and if it should really affect me as such considering I was never under the illusion that I am rich. After all if you aren't a Bill Gates, a Steve Jobs or well even a Donald Trump then why would you even bother using a term which changes the bracket more often than a mirage in a desert, just ask one of the Winklevoss twins and they would tell you or probably get a book written and have a movie made and then try to sue the author and the director for taking the idea from them and not giving them the finished product. Zuckerburg meanwhile is multiplying the contentious fortune faster than the rabbits and is reportedly passing on my profile pics to advertisers and actually making money from my face while I am posting pictures taken on a friend's camera as I am too poor, and a tad bit more after today, to actually afford a decent camera.
So my dear poor friends and much more poor friend, mostly much more poor friends, if you really are planning to make it rich, I suggest you do it as a secret sting op rather than announce it to the world because once you have made your intentions public the mirage is going to fade and the bar raised.

Royal Wedding and a Sea Funeral

This year seems to keep on being eventful for one reason or the other good or bad. This past week added to the list a few things which would be remembered for quite some time to come. The weekend started off with the Royal Wedding and the only way you could have avoided hearing anything about it was if you were a hermit and had no form of communication with the outside world and none whatsoever with women, as every other reference made way to the couple in the midst of the whole drama. The TV ratings would have soared and every single guy in their right mind would have contributed to the National Geo breaking records just to avoid hearing anything about it for at least two weeks prior.
The Seal team the following Monday made sure we would not discuss the royal wedding by gatecrashing the royal couples after party with a groundbreaking, involving a crashing chopper thus giving the term a literal meaning, news by assasinating Americas Public Enemy number One, Saddam Hussein......errr...no sorry that was a couple of years ago, it was Osama Bin Laden this time. Yes, after almost 11 years and 5 reports of him being dead some being of natural causes, the American troops finally won the famous hide and seek game and surprise surprise it didn't come in a cave in the remote hills of Afghanistan but in the dead (no pun intended) silent town of Abbotabad barely a few stones throw away from a military base. Now before we get all judgmental about the mental-lity of the Pakistani Army and it's alleged association with terrorist groups, you have to give all the credit, or whatever you can muster up, to Bin Laden for coming up with the bright idea of building a $1 million mansion right next to the military base for who would have thought the man with the multi million $$ reward on his head would be bunked up at that odd looking expensive compound next door to the base which may I add doesn't even have a proper phone line forget a decent internet connection.
There still seems to be the controversy that all this is just a big gimmick and that it is all but just a ploy to kickstart the re-election campaign and all but lets not get into all that now.
Here's just hoping Hugh Grant doesn't get the idea of script and give us a "Royal Wedding and a Sea Funeral"

Grinch Goes Easter

Its that time of the year again where the chocolates suddenly start multiplying like rabbits and for an odd reason you may find them in that very shape too. Yes, there are also egg shaped chocolates and you become a kid looking in nooks and corners to find one to enjoy it. Oh yeah, Easter is round the corner and for someone like me its all about chocolates really. But wait, as for every Christmas there's a grinch, it seems the grinch has found his way to Easter too. "What in the world are you rambling about dude?" you may ask and I will gladly of assistance to sort the ignorant streak out of you......or try.....and give up. I am certainly not dying on lost causes....no way! Any how coming back to the grinch of Easter, an academic from the University of Melbourne has gone around making claims the innocent Easter Bunny of making kids fat. Preposterous is the first word that comes to the mind, for in the world of McDonalds (sorry Ronald, you know I love your burgers yet the public demands you be quoted when we talk about fat people), KFC (you probably had it coming Col. Sanders with that new no bread burger!) and Subway....wait that last one is supposed to be healthy if you take the sauces and the bread and the cheese and the salt n pepper and just leave.....the salads/veggies in all its blandness..surprise surprise!
The same dude to come up with this "allegation" was responsible for insinuating that Santa Clause promotes obesity, yes that very same Santa who brings gifts for the nice and well we never know what happens to the naughty......may be they just grow up and become Simon Cowell and annoy everyone around them. This guy probably also comes in the later category and the missing milk and cookie along with the missing gift probably justifies his actions, at least in his eyes. He could have been forgiven and everything forgotten about his absurd accusation had he not supported the idea of replacing the chocolate egg hunt with brussel sprouts hunt!! I can probably predict the outcome of that hunt, withering brussel sprouts in places no one ever tried looking and went to the bakery to buy the chocolate hot cross buns, which sounds like a might fine idea right now. So, while you sit cursing and writing hate mails (hopefully not to me) I shall go and scoff down some of those choc hot cross buns!
Have a Happy Easter and break and drive safe! :)

A-D-Dictionary

In the last couple of weeks with the gala festival otherwise known as the Cricket World Cup, I noticed that most of us missed a few things which could change the course of history....or well may be not so much history as literature. Yes, the English language has had a few additions in that forgotten book (now available on web and electronic formats) called the Dictionary. Before "Google" became a verb and pretty much a way of life, the common literate folks used to refer to "the dictionary" to actually validate that the word existed. Good old Oxford and Webster were the ones who created, maintained and pretty much monopolised this market and Oxford still believes it has the complete authority (which it does) to accept what or what not is a legitimate word. The one role of the dictionary among many others was to ensure that scrabble players did not end up killing each other for if you ever played with Mike (name not changed for any reason other than to take out your grudge) you would have developed a murderous tendency too, but lets not delve into that.
Oxford recently recognised the following words as being an actual word and no more just a human uttering silly noises, the words are - LoL (no I am serious...stop laughing), OMG (I am sure there was a F in there somewhere but we shall be content with this) and FYI (can't believe all the corporates were actually using a bogus word on official communications). FYI, OMG what a joke. LoL! And the scrabble war gets that bit more nastier. I really wonder if WTF (or for the mild ones WTH) is experiencing right now? Does it not feel like the snub of the decade for it has been there as long as OMG and lets be honest has been better used if not extensively flashed at very critical junctions of the twisted turn of events we call life. So here's my vote going out to WTF to be included in the next batch for how else would TGIF be TGIF if the previous days were not WTF!

Chak De Dhoni

I can keep watching this over n over for quite sometime.....



चक दे धोनी!! जय हिंद!!! :)

We are the Champions.....

It has been an amazing amazing last ten days in the world of cricket and in the life of a Team India fan. The cynicism, the doubts and the criticism that the naysayer harped on, all came crashing down last night when the team held that cup. The excitement levels matched with the lack of sleep ever since the quarter final game with Australia has given a delirious feeling of high which can't be matched by anything in the world. The media, social networking sites and sms'es had gone viral with the hopes, aspirations and belief of the impending victory. The comparison to the 1983 final were made and the fact that the dates were exactly the same brought in more hope, aspirations and belief. The comparisons did in fact have a bit in them after Sri Lanka pushed the Indians on the back foot with a very good score and two quick wickets had us up against the wall. That Dhoni replicated Kapil Dev would not be an understatement and the victory cemented that equation if there were any doubts.
The epic question, "Where were you when India won the World Cup after 28 years?" is going to be asked for years to come and there would be a smile, a smile that comes straight from the heart, when we answer that question for most of us we were there with family, with good...no make that great friends and with the players themselves. The clapping on every run scored, the high fives on every boundaries and, as a friend put it very aptly, a mini heart attack on every ball all turned into jubilation when the winning runs were smashed over the boundary for a massive six and an even massive celebrations! The Nile had been parted again, the water turned into wine again and India had won the World Cup once again. The team who had vowed to bring in the most prized reward of the game to offer it to the "God" of cricket had not disappointed.
The game had turned in a lot of heroes and the way the youngsters showed the resilience and the maturity when the most experience pair of Indian batting were sent back for hardly any score on the board shows that we have finally started to believe that nothing is impossible. No one piece of article would be complete without mentioning the likes of Gautam Gambhir who came close to that century in the WC final, Kohli who did well to apply himself in and not give in his wicket, Yuvraj for contributing as much with the ball as with the bat, Zak for that brilliant first spell and last but not the least M S Dhoni who has really does absorb the tension and remains icy cool in the hottest of the conditions. He had led India to the famous victory at the T20 World Cup and there was a slight hope, a little wish and huge expectations that this may be the man who brings in the big one and last night that hope saw the light, the wish was fulfilled and the expectation bore fruit. The look in his eyes when he hit the winning runs for a six showed the intent and the determination of the man with a purpose.
Then there was the post match interviews and the one that will be remembered for years to come was from the young Virat Kohli who uttered with great maturity the following lines - "He's carried the burden of our nation for 21 years, it was time to carry him on our shoulders today."
If the way he contributed with the bat and this maturity continues who knows there would be a day where we would be getting carried on the shoulders and with the talent he's shown and this level of maturity, here's hoping he does.

The Word Block

There's nothing more annoying than when you set out to write something and you have typed in two sentences and then run out of ideas, words or just your sense of stringing a few more sentences. I have been meaning to update the blog but due to some unavoidable, unforeseen circumstances I just can't come up with any ideas on what to write on. Somehow, somewhere all the good old entertainment seems to have gone the way Britney Spears career has - down the dumps. I didn't really ever imagine myself even contemplating this but I am starting to miss her "Oops I did it again" antics. Although, behold there has been a better substitute in none other than the man himself - Charlie "Bow to me you regular people" Sheen. The holier than thou, messiah of the small screen, drama queen of this new decade (would win the prize for 2011 hands down, if not the whole decade) Mr. Sheen has had enough of people telling him not to have fun and booze and drugs and let him live his life as it is - a Rock stars one!
Anyways coming back to point, there is nothing more annoying than trying to jot down a few words and then everything comes to halt as you can't think of anything. So, till I get over this amateur writer's block, you might have to bear with me and read updates which just are left incomplete................................................................

Astronomical New Year

Welcome to the New Year! Yes, I do realise that we are already 39 days into this year but like they say better late than never. The old adage; bring it with a bang, might have turned into a bit of reality with everything happening across the world. It seems nature and people have somehow confused taking it by the scruff in a very literal sense and rocked this little planet we call earth.
While we are on the subject of planets, let us slightly digress and talk about the astronomical shift that jolted a few of us very hard, yeah those stars have also started playing tricks on us mere mortals by changing their signs and Linda Goodman has been left in a lurch with all those published books being finally proven to be...well...just rubbish. If you are still wondering where I am going with this you obviously were star gazing when the news broke out that what you thought you were was actually not true anymore, that the people who proudly described all their traits based on their traits suddenly were left wondering if life had in fact played a cruel joke on them. Well you poor souls, even though life had very little role to play in this misfortune, the realisation that even astronomy wants to mess your life might prove to a bit astronomical for some. Now, those of us who actually lived life based on the attributes stated by Linda..errr...I mean the star signs have to go back and re-assess what lies ahead all thanks to Ophiuchus, yeah imagine claiming to be a proud ophi...whatever! The debate has started and may continue for many a years to come but the seed of doubt has been sowed and those copies Goodman might just be used for the bonfire to stave off the harsh winters.